


Vanilla Overload

by amerasu1013 (amerasu_1013)



Series: Marvel Crack AUs [4]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Crack, Dirty Talk, Handcuffs, Humor, Improvised Sex Toys, Kink Negotiation, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Rough Sex, Sex Toys, Spanking, not really - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-14
Updated: 2015-09-14
Packaged: 2018-04-15 01:17:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4587519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amerasu_1013/pseuds/amerasu1013
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>“I want you to hold me down and fuck me hard.” Bucky says one day, licking his lips. He’s got quite the imagination and the real thing will be even better.</em><br/><em>Steve, who is just in the process of putting on his PJs, blinks and frowns at him. “You want to have sex? Right now? I was just gonna go get a glass of milk and some cookies.”</em><br/>----------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>Five kinks Bucky tried to get Steve interested in without any success. And... one time where he gave up but still got way more than he had bargained for.</p><p>a.k.a. the fic where I mix crack and kinky gay sex and also dress Steve up in a police uniform.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Vanilla Overload

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to [zilldk](http://archiveofourown.org/users/zilldk) for betaing and also for being inspiring. Like the earthworms - those were her brilliant idea. :D
> 
> And the usual: English is not my native tongue and I don't own any of the characters. Excuse me while I go weep in the corner at the unfairness of life...
> 
> Oh, and a warning: the sex is probably less explicit than you hope...

**One: Rough Sex**

It’s not like their sex life isn’t great. Their sex life is pretty fucking _fantastic_ , actually. Steve can literally go for hours, he’s got quite the big… equipment and he knows exactly how to use it. Makes Bucky see stars every damn time. It’s fantastic, their sex life, honestly. But sometimes Bucky thinks it could be even _better_. A little kink added for flavor, so to speak. Bucky likes things a bit kinky, now and then. The problem is: Steve does not.

“I want you to hold me down and fuck me hard.” Bucky says one day, licking his lips. He’s got quite the imagination and the real thing will be even better.

Steve, who is just in the process of putting on his PJs, blinks and frowns at him. “You want to have sex? Right now? I was just gonna go get a glass of milk and some cookies.”

“Fuck milk, I want you to fuck _me_. And yes, right now.” Bucky shivers in anticipation.

Steve frowns. “I don’t like it when you say that word.”

Bucky rolls his eyes. “Jeez, okay. _Fudge_ milk then. Put me on my hands and knees and just fu… _do_ me. _Hard_.”

“Hands and knees, really? You want that?” Steve makes a sad face. “I like looking into your eyes when we… you know. Make love.”

Bucky stares at that sad face. Steve gazes mournfully back. And here come the puppy eyes, wonderful. Fuck it all to hell. There goes his night of rough, hard fucking… he was really looking forward to it. But hell, ‘make love’? That _does_ sound nice. “Yeah okay.” He sighs. “We can _make love_ if you wanna.”

Steve beams. “Yes, I’d love to! Thank you! Um…” he hesitates. “Can I get my glass of milk first?”

Bucky sighs again and flops down on the bed. “Sure.”

Steve kisses him. “I love you,” he says earnestly, “and I’ll be right back.”

Bucky waves at his retreating back. “Love you too. Bring me some cookies.”

He gets his cookies and a glass of milk to go with them, Steve is nothing if not thoughtful. And then they do it. Make love, face to face so Steve can look into Bucky’s eyes. It’s nice, it’s fucking perfect, as usual. Still. A nice hard fuck on his hands and knees would have been awesome. Ah well, Bucky is patient. He’ll try again. He’ll get what he wants eventually.

 

**Two: Dirty Talk**

They have upgraded a little: now Bucky lies on his stomach sometimes. At least while Steve is prepping him, but Bucky figures he’ll need to take this in baby-steps – Steve has a _serious_ thing for looking into his eyes while they do it. But hey, him on his stomach while Steve is fingering him open feels like an advancement, so Bucky is kind of proud. The success also makes him a little over-confident. While he pushes back against Steve’s gentle intrusion, humming in pleasure and very much looking forward to the main event, he gets an idea and forgets about the baby-steps.

“Talk to me, Steve.” He moans and rolls his hips to get Steve’s fingers in deeper.

Those fingers stop moving. “Talk to you about what? I already told you all about my day. Did I forget to mention I made an arrest on Broadway? Because I did, and it was a guy who – “

“No!” Bucky interrupts, pushing back and trying to get Steve back in action. “Not about your job, damn it. Talk dirty to me!”

Steve hesitantly twists his fingers. “I don’t think I can do that, Bucky.”

He groans. Only Steve. “I’ll help you,” he says somewhat desperately, because damn, those fingers are hitting the perfect spot and oh God, dirty talk would be so awesome right now. “Tell me what you like about me when you fu… do me. Like… my face when I’m coming, tell me something about that.”

“Okay, umm. If you really want that, I’ll try.” Steve pauses, apparently searching for words. His fingers are less hesitant and Bucky moans when they push right where he needs them to. “Uh, your eyes are beautiful when you come?”

Bucky bites the pillow in frustration. “Not like _that_! Say something dirty! Tell me… tell me how great my ass looks!”

“It’s… very symmetrical?”

“Oh my Goooood…” Bucky moans, giving up. “Just do me, right now.”

“Oh! Of course. You liked that? Okay. Um, turn over, please?”

He rolls over. Of course he does. Steve smiles at him, sweet and gentle, and fucks him just as sweet and gentle. Face to face, obviously. And as it turns out, Steve’s idea of dirty talk (waxing poetics about stuff like the glow of Bucky’s skin or the shape of his clavicle) isn’t so bad. And Bucky totally doesn’t come right when Steve looks deep into his eyes and tells him “I love you”. Really not bad at all. But still… “I love spreading your tight ass with my cock” or “greedy little slut” would have been nice. Whatever, he won’t give up that easily. Baby-steps. Right.

 

**Three: Spanking**

Yeeeah – Bucky doesn’t even try to ask for a spanking. Steve wouldn’t wanna do it anyway, he’s just too _nice_. Doesn’t like hurting people. He’s probably the only cop in the city who could arrest a hostage-taking psychopath by smiling at him. Seriously – that smile is _lethal_. That’s not to say Steve is a pushover or bad at his job or whatever, no. Bucky has seen him take down three steroid-filled perps without breaking a sweat (so hot, by the way, so damn hot), Steve is a fucking _great_ cop.

But Bucky has also seen him pick up earthworms on the sidewalk in the rain and carefully carrying them to the next patch of dirt. The guy literally _saves earthworms_. He’s just so… fucking _nice_. So yeah. Bucky doesn’t even bother trying to ask for a spanking. There are more kinks than that after all…

 

**Four: Police Uniforms and Handcuffs**

Steve is muscular and handsome and hung and pretty much the hottest guy ever. But that’s not all: Steve is a cop. No wait – that’s not enough. Steve is a _cop_. He wears a _uniform_ and a _gun_ and a _baton_ and fucking _handcuffs_. He’s a life-sized, blond-haired, fucking _ripped_ porn cliché and he’s _Bucky’s_. His very own gay plaything for all things kinky and awesome. Or he would be, if he was even the slightest bit interested in, well, kinky things. Which, as has become quite clear to Bucky over these past weeks, he _isn’t_.

It’s a tragedy, really. A guy shouldn’t be allowed to be this nice and handsome and awesome and oh, also be a fucking cop with a uniform carrying around handcuffs and then not do anything about it. There should be a law against this. The first time Bucky had met Steve, that handsome cop suddenly standing in his garage, eyeing the cars propped up waiting to be repaired, he’d pretty much wanted to instantly climb on top of him and ride him until his spine gave out. Possibly while wearing those handcuffs.

The second time they had met Bucky had mostly wanted to punch his stupid, handsome face, since Steve had apparently assumed that Bucky was involved in the same shit one of his employees was busy with. Selling drugs on the corner, that _fucker_. There had been some yelling (Bucky) and some serious stern faces and righteous glares (Steve) and… well. Turned out stern Officer Rogers was one hell of a turn-on. So much so that Bucky had been seriously tempted to just bend over the car propped up behind him and let Officer Rogers do a full-cavity search. Seriously. It’s a _great_ combination – Steve’s stern face and that uniform. _Jesus_.

The third time they met had been on a date, after Steve had figured out Bucky wasn’t involved in that shit and came by to apologize and asked him out. He’d even brought Bucky _flowers_ and fuck, why does the guy have to be so fucking nice and charming? Of course that’s pretty much why Bucky fell in love with him, so he can’t be _that_ mad about it. But still, the guy is a fucking _cop_ (uniform, handcuffs etcetera) and those first two meetings still linger on Bucky’s mind.

He’s tried, of course, to get Steve interested in a little… cop show, but to no avail. Telling Steve that he should _arrest_ Bucky with a very unsubtle eyebrow waggle only made him ask “did you break any laws?” with that seriously disappointed and heart-broken face and just no. The handcuffs stay where they are, on Steve’s belt or in the gun safe. “They are not _toys_ , Bucky!” Steve says and well, what does one say to that? “But they _should_ be?” Yeah no. And the uniform Bucky isn’t even allowed to touch anymore, not since that one time when he sucked Steve off as soon as he came home and got a little come on his pants leg. Only a little, not more than a single drop, but apparently Steve had to bring it to a special dry cleaner to get that stain out and yeah. That was that.

So Steve is a porn cliché cop, but doesn’t do anything with it. There really should be a law against that. And the sex, while very awesome, is still so _vanilla_. Urgh. Bucky _hates_ vanilla. Maybe it’s time for some drastic measures…

 

**Five: Sex Toys**

Bucky decides he needs to get a bit more… proactive. Show Steve what he’s been missing with ignoring all these wonderful kinky things the world has to offer, by using the best damn demonstration device there is: himself. So he goes out and buys a really nice vibrator and settles down with it on their bed. Steve will be home in about thirty minutes, until then Bucky will have a good show going.

Those thirty minutes fly past – it’s a _really_ nice vibrator – and then Bucky hears Steve’s keys in the door and his voice calling Bucky’s name. He moans in response, too busy enjoying himself to try and actually form words right now, but Steve finds him anyway. He stands at the foot of their bed, staring down at Bucky and he groans, long and loud, because this was the best idea _ever_. He’s fucking himself with a big purple vibrator and Steve’s eyes are on him and fuck, he’s so _close_ already.

Then Bucky feels a gentle hand on his ankle and hears Steve’s hesitant voice. “Bucky, am I… not enough for you?”

Bucky raises his head and stares at his lover. “Wha?” he manages, around the wonderful vibrations of the toy shoved deep, deep inside.

Steve looks back at him, sad and… apologetic? “I’m sorry if I’m not enough for you. But… you don’t have to do this, you know? I can do _better_.”

Oh Jesus, no. Bucky flops back and stares at the ceiling. He should have known, really. Best idea ever? Fuck, no. “You don’t have to, Steve.” He says and pulls the toy out. “You’re more than enough, you know that, I’m sorry. I love you. C’mere, kiss me, I’m sorry.”

He gets a kiss, a hug and a slow, hesitant smile. Bucky feels like a tool. Especially when Steve earnestly says: “I still can do better, I promise.”

The next morning Bucky throws the vibrator in the trash and Steve smiles when he sees it. Tells him he loves him and yeah, Bucky should probably just give up now. It helps that Steve made him come like a gazillion times last night (‘I can do better’, shit, did he ever) and really. Steve loves him, he loves Steve, why would Bucky need kink when he has _that_?

 

**And One**

Bucky unlocks the door to his garage and opens it. They’ve just come back from doing a little last minute shopping before the small store at the corner closes for the night and Bucky needs to grab a few things before they go home. Steve motions for Bucky to go through the door first, Bucky smiles around the sucker in his mouth and walks in ahead of Steve. Such a nice guy, ever the gentleman. Of course Steve’s also carrying most of the bags while Bucky himself is only carrying one… Yeah, real gentleman, Steve is. _His_ gentleman.

He smiles to himself when Steve starts talking about how they’ll have a nice dinner later, Steve will cook and he also bought candles, to make it extra romantic. Bucky hopes the candles are vanilla-scented, he’s become quite fond of vanilla. He’s just pulled the sucker from his mouth to ask about it, when he realizes something. “Ah, fuck. I forgot to pay for the sucker, shit.”

Steve pauses and turns towards him with wide, shocked eyes. “You stole it?!”

Hey. Bucky scowls. Technically yes, but… “I didn’t _mean_ to! I’ll go back tomorrow and pay for it.”

Steve glares at him. “You stole it! That’s a crime!”

Bucky glares back. “I didn’t steal it, I just forgot to pay for it! I’ll fix it tomorrow, jeez!”

His boyfriend drops the grocery bags, the carton of milk falls out and breaks, white liquid spilling out all over the floor. Neither man cares, because Steve stalks towards Bucky and Bucky lets go of his own bag and squares off against him.

“It’s still a crime, James! It’s illegal!” Steve shouts and glares at him. Bucky is severely tempted to punch him right in his stupid face.

“It’s just a fucking piece of candy, _Steven_! It’s not like I stole a _car_ , for fuck’s sake! I’ll fix it tomorrow, so calm the fuck down! What are you gonna do, huh?” Bucky laughs nastily and motions towards Steve’s uniform. “Arrest me for stealing a goddamn piece of candy?”

Steve’s eyes narrow to slits. “Maybe I should! Maybe that’s the only way to show you that you’ve done something wrong! Stealing candy is still stealing and you know it!”

“Maybe I don’t give a crap!” Bucky sneers and pops the sucker back in his mouth, chewing on it rather pointedly while still glaring at Steve. Fuck that shit! Righteous asshole! “Maybe it even tastes _better_ when it’s stolen!”

Steve takes a deep breath – and suddenly the world tilts.

It feels like less than a second has passed before Bucky finds himself bent over the nearest car. That fucking – how the fuck – are those fucking _handcuffs_ holding his wrists behind his back?! “What the fuck, Steve!” he shouts and tries to twist around.

Steve shoves him back down with a big hand in the small of his back. “Shut up and stay put!”

Needless to say Bucky does neither, spitting curses and trying to twist away. What the _fuck_ is going on – is Steve seriously arresting him?! He wouldn’t, would he? It was just some candy and he didn’t even _mean_ to – Steve can’t just _arrest_ him for that, fuck! Suddenly Bucky is very worried. Steve is a cop after all and more or less the most decent and upright man in the universe… Yeah, Bucky is pretty damn worried right now. Then… his pants are tugged down and land around his ankles, leaving him bare-ass naked from the waist down. And then – Steve’s hand lands on his ass in a ringing, painful, glorious slap. And another one. And another one…

That worry is instantly replaced by arousal, his dick gets so hard so quickly Bucky damn near passes out. He groans, long and loud, mouth opening and closing, trying to suck in desperate gulps of air while Steve spanks his ass like a fucking champ. Bucky would like to talk right now, ask him where the hell he learned to do that, beg him to stop, no, beg him for more, harder, please… but he can’t say a single word while Steve goes to town on his ass like he’s been born to do it. Doesn’t matter anyway, because Steve is doing the talking for both of them.

Steve spews out a torrent of some of the filthiest stuff Bucky has ever heard anyone say, his do-gooder, earnest, sweet boyfriend talking dirtier than the cheapest whore. It’s surprising as hell, hearing that gentle voice growling out filthy suggestions like that. And it’s _so fucking hot_. Every ‘slut’ and ‘dirty whore’, every lewd innuendo about Bucky’s tight ass just begging for it, how Steve is gonna beat his ass until it’s cherry red, until Bucky is fucking begging him to stuff him full of cock… every single word eggs him on even more, until Bucky is a desperate, twitching, mewling mess. Bucky’s had some good sex in his life, but this? Fuck, this is better than _anything_ ever was before and it’s not even proper sex yet. This must be heaven, Bucky thinks while Steve beats his ass so gloriously and his dick is pressed painfully against the hood. Pure _heaven_.

Steve eventually stops spanking Bucky’s ass and he lies there, trying to catch his breath. Before he can do so, before he can even lift his head and make the appropriate grateful noises, he feels something hard against his hole. It’s… wet and hard, but it’s neither Steve’s fingers nor his cock, it feels… different. Unfamiliar, hard but not… fleshy, more artificial, like… Bucky manages to turn his head around far enough to get a glimpse – fucking hell, fuck, fuck – it’s _Steve’s police baton_.

Which is now being pressed deep into his ass, slowly and steadily, forcing his channel open around unforgiving, hard plastic. Steve’s pants drag teasingly over his ass, his uniform belt is catching deliciously on the bruises forming on his cheeks and Bucky moans again. Dizzily he remembers his fantasies during those last weeks – when he had tried to get Steve to be more… adventurous. And this? This is definitely way kinkier than he’d _ever_ imagined. Dirty talk? Check. Spanking? Check. Uniform and handcuffs? Check and fucking _check_. Sex toys – check, the baton _totally_ counts. Only thing that’s missing is the rough sex. Though, judging from how Steve’s erection is pressing against Bucky’s balls right now while he fucks him open with his baton, that’s not too far off. Especially when Bucky finally gets his tongue to work and just starts _begging_ for it.

Fuck, if him stealing some candy gets Steve to do _this_? Who knows what will happen if Bucky admits he also forgot to pay for the milk…

 

**THE END**


End file.
